i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
