I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
