the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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