in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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