eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
