she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
