My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
