Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You made out with two different species that night
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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