the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
