Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
dude. I can hear the air.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
