i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's blow job season.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
