whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
