tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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