Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
