and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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