Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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