It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
