We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
