The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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