I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
