Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize