Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
