U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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