im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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