Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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