I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
