I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
