Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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