Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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