She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
