your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
