when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
