He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
