I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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