Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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