I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize