How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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