the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
