Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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