im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
