Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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