census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
