I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
