the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Holy sore nipples Batman
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
