When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
