did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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