i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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