Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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