Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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