he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
