I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
