there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
