I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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