can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
