dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
