My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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