I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you inspire me to be a worse person
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
