No stitches, just platelets and will power
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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