I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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