You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
