All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
