I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize