I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
