Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
