he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
someone owes me an orgasm
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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