May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
