It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
