I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
