you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize