I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
