Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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