so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
