I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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