oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
