i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
