I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
