Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
40s are totally the cure
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
